Tavros Nitram (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
i_bullieve_i_can_fly) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
solemnlysworn2012-05-21 05:15 am
i_bullieve_i_can_fly) wrote in solemnlysworn2012-05-21 05:15 am
Breaking up is hard to do
Name: Tavros Nitram, Karkat Vantas
Type: Log
Open or Closed: Closed
Summary: Galen has gotten to Karkat, slowly made him grow apart from his friends. Away from Tavros. Tavros finally decides to talk to him about it.
-
It was nearing the end of their sixth year of Hogwarts. If you asked if it was a good year, and Tavros said yes... It would have been a lie. Something had changed. He and Karkat... they'd both changed. Karkat had changed the most. Tavros didn't understand why he was acting so different lately, so... withdrawn. So very much unlike himself. But he'd been afraid to ask, because he was afraid of what the answer might have been. He was afraid that he had done something wrong. That Karkat didn't like him anymore. But Tavros rationalized it in his head that if... if that were the case, Karkat would have told him. He couldn't have done anything wrong, because Karkat would have told him, right?
But Tavros couldn't pretend that nothing was wrong anymore. His heart ached too much for the days when he didn't have to pretend; when they actually were close. Back when things were just... perfect. He wanted to try and bring that back. So that's why he finally, after all year of trying to pretend that things were okay, he decided to talk to Karkat. He had to find out what was wrong. He couldn't deal with not knowing anymore. He missed Karkat so much. He'd thought about it long and hard, too, and finally decided on the best place to meet him.
So that's why Tavros made his way out to the shack where it had all started. He'd gotten so much better at being sneaky, even in his wheelchair, just by being friends with Gamzee. It was easy to make it there without getting caught. He'd even stopped feeling too guilty about breaking the rules. And he was an expert by that point at care of magical creatures- or at least, he thought so. Which is why he wasn't very afraid of the creatures in the forest. He could take care of himself, he wasn't a kid anymore. He was seventeen, in fact. He wasn't as scared as he used to be about a lot of things.
Seeing the shack again after so long was hard, though. It brought back so many memories of the two of them, and it was painful to relive them when they were in such a bad state. He just wished everything could be normal again. That was all he wanted, so why couldn't it be that easy? But he'd already had to face the fact that life was not that easy already. So he didn't stupidly dwell on that anymore. All he could do was focus on fixing it, if he could. Somehow, he had to be able to fix it. When he finally calmed down enough, he reached into the bag he'd brought with him and took out a piece of paper. He wrote Karkat a note telling him where to meet him, and then sent his owl off with it. Once he'd done that, he settled down to wait for Karkat to show up, while he tried not to think too hard about it.
It would be okay, he told himself. It had to be.
Type: Log
Open or Closed: Closed
Summary: Galen has gotten to Karkat, slowly made him grow apart from his friends. Away from Tavros. Tavros finally decides to talk to him about it.
-
It was nearing the end of their sixth year of Hogwarts. If you asked if it was a good year, and Tavros said yes... It would have been a lie. Something had changed. He and Karkat... they'd both changed. Karkat had changed the most. Tavros didn't understand why he was acting so different lately, so... withdrawn. So very much unlike himself. But he'd been afraid to ask, because he was afraid of what the answer might have been. He was afraid that he had done something wrong. That Karkat didn't like him anymore. But Tavros rationalized it in his head that if... if that were the case, Karkat would have told him. He couldn't have done anything wrong, because Karkat would have told him, right?
But Tavros couldn't pretend that nothing was wrong anymore. His heart ached too much for the days when he didn't have to pretend; when they actually were close. Back when things were just... perfect. He wanted to try and bring that back. So that's why he finally, after all year of trying to pretend that things were okay, he decided to talk to Karkat. He had to find out what was wrong. He couldn't deal with not knowing anymore. He missed Karkat so much. He'd thought about it long and hard, too, and finally decided on the best place to meet him.
So that's why Tavros made his way out to the shack where it had all started. He'd gotten so much better at being sneaky, even in his wheelchair, just by being friends with Gamzee. It was easy to make it there without getting caught. He'd even stopped feeling too guilty about breaking the rules. And he was an expert by that point at care of magical creatures- or at least, he thought so. Which is why he wasn't very afraid of the creatures in the forest. He could take care of himself, he wasn't a kid anymore. He was seventeen, in fact. He wasn't as scared as he used to be about a lot of things.
Seeing the shack again after so long was hard, though. It brought back so many memories of the two of them, and it was painful to relive them when they were in such a bad state. He just wished everything could be normal again. That was all he wanted, so why couldn't it be that easy? But he'd already had to face the fact that life was not that easy already. So he didn't stupidly dwell on that anymore. All he could do was focus on fixing it, if he could. Somehow, he had to be able to fix it. When he finally calmed down enough, he reached into the bag he'd brought with him and took out a piece of paper. He wrote Karkat a note telling him where to meet him, and then sent his owl off with it. Once he'd done that, he settled down to wait for Karkat to show up, while he tried not to think too hard about it.
It would be okay, he told himself. It had to be.
no subject
This wasn't happening. He couldn't let this happen.
He drew in a shaky breath and opened his mouth again. "Do you have any idea," he said slowly, trying to sound as solid and confident as he could. This wasn't a game, Karkat had to know just how strongly he felt. "how many times that I thought the complete opposite of that? I went so long thinking... thinking that I just didn't deserve someone as awesome and amazing and brave as you."
He let out a small sob, because damn it this was hard and he was feeling so much. He took in another breath and continued, "Don't... don't tell me that I deserve someone better. Because... that's bullshit." Tears were falling down his face, and he was shaking. "I love you. So much."
Tavros reached up and wiped at his eyes. "Please don't do this to me," he said and this time his voice was shaky as he pleaded, "Please, Karkat. Please. I love you," he said again, "Please let me help you... please..."
no subject
"I'm a mudblood," he murmured, eyes opening to look at the floor, at the trousers around his ankles where they belonged. "I'm used. I've never deserved to live." He took a deep sigh before crouching down and beginning to pull his pants back up, careful of where they brushed. "Being with you made me feel like I could be...happy. Somehow anyway."
Karkat let his fingers linger on the hem of his pants, hovering around the button as he did it up before he let them drop. "I don't deserve to be happy. I never have deserved happiness. I wanted to keep you safe but I can't even do that. I've already told you too much. You'd be happier without me, mi amor."