solemnlysworn | ohana means family and all that jazz

_{[Dirk's been in Bro's custody for six months now, but it's only recently that the actual adoption's been finalized. For the most part, things have gotten better for Dirk. But over the past few week, the nightmares have started up again in full-force. It hasn't been this bad since the beginning of summer.

It's made it hard to sleep, but he's done his best to self-soothe and not make a big deal out of it. He doesn't want to interrupt anyone else's sleep. Mostly, he doesn't want to make Dave suffer like he did all those months ago. That, and he doesn't want Eridan or any of the other kids to think he's a chicken for getting so scared.

Because he's not.

His bad dreams are just really bad.

This time, it's worse than the rest. The only good point is that it's pretty much morning. Someone will start waking up soon. This is why he doesn't feel guilty for walking to the adults' bedroom. He doubts his uncle will be awake because it's so early, but... it doesn't hurt to see, right? Or maybe someone else will be up to just be there. Or whatever. He's not picky.

He makes it all the way to the bedroom and opens the door. It's once he gets there that he hesitates. He doesn't want anyone to get mad at him, and it's just hitting him that this could be a possibility too.]}

[Murdoc blinks blearily as he hears the door and jerks his arm out from under Bro, rubbing at his eyes with his palms and sitting up a little more, giving the other man a nudge.]

Dirk. Dirk. There's a ferret-- Dirk. Wake up. [Once he realises Bro is dead to the world he lets out a loud yawn scooting up a little more to glance over at the door.]

Come in, your lettin' the warm air out.

_{[Dirk closes the door after stepping into the bedroom more. After a moment's hesitation, he tentatively takes a couple steps towards the bed.]}

Is Uncle Dirk sleeping?

_{[It's a dumb question. He knows he is.]}

Like a log.

[Murdoc gives the other man's arm a pat to convey the message. They all used to be so much more alert, but it seemed like they'd finally started to relax around each other.]

Is there somethin' wrong?

_{[Admitting he had a bad dream and just wants cuddles and reassurance is too embarrassing.]}

No. I, uh. Just forgot what--_{[enter a very basic word in Mermish here]}--meant and it was bugging me.

_{[He's blatantly lying. He's dumb. This is a mistake. Argh]}

And it was so important that you needed to come in as early as you could to ask?

[He raises an eyebrow at Dirk with a bland expression on his face. Sorry man, he ain't buying it.]

Did you have a nightmare?

_{[He opens his mouth to say 'yes' in response to the first question, but in the end he he closes it and looks awkward as hell.]}

Yeah. _{[It's said quietly, as if he's ashamed to admit it.]}

[Murdoc doesn't ask him what it was about and he doesn't bother shaking Bro awake for the moment, Dirk already looks nervous enough without having to explain it again. He just pats the bed with a small yawn before giving Dirk a sympathetic look.]

C'mon up.

_{[Dirk doesn't have to be told a second time. He's more than grateful that Murdoc is understanding enough to know exactly what he wants. He climbs onto the bed where the older man patted and just. Drops all pretenses and latches onto him.]}

[His immediate reaction is to move his hands away from Dirk, as if not at all expecting the contact and worrying for how it would seem. However, when he calms himself, he slowly lowers his arms and circles them around Dirk protectively.]

Want to talk about it?

_{[Dirk is quiet for a long moment. He has to decide if he actually wants to, but after considering it, he decides it would probably make him feel better to talk about it.]}

It was about my dad.

[Murdoc isn't going to badger him about it, he just pats his back with his hand and waits for him to be ready. When he finally speaks, he holds him a little tighter.]

What happened, darlin'?

_{[Dirk's quiet for a long time. The hug helps a lot, and after a moment, it's easier for him to speak.]}

He came back. But he wasn't him. He was still dead and he looked--_{[He struggled for the right word.]}--scary from having been in the ocean so long.

Aah.. [Murdoc coos softly, leaning in very tentatively to press his face against Dirk's head.]

It was just a dream, Dirk. It's alright. [He rubs a hand up and down his back, giving it a pat.]

Edited 2012-09-27 16:11 (UTC)

_{[He nods slowly.]}

I just...

What if that's what he looks like now because he never got to be buried? I can't make the image go away.

Honestly, Dirk. Bodies don't last that long underwater. Whatever he was before is not going to be there anymore.

It's like he's become part of the ocean, you see? Buryin' people is such a morbid ceremony anyway. If I died, I think I'd prefer it if my body just disappeared.

But then that means if I ever swim in the ocean and a wave knocks me over, I could accidentally swallow him.

It'd be better if he was in the ground. No accidental swallowing.

And then there's be a real place for me to visit.

He's beyond that point now, I think. He's not physically part of the ocean anymore. It's just his resting place.

You don't need a place to mourn, I think. I don't think it should be limited to one place-- though..have you thought of making him a shrine?

Are you sure?

_{[He pauses.]}

How would I make that?

Positive. I've done my research.

[He looks thoughtful for a moment.] It depends, really. Some people like to put a small place in their gardens aside and then grow some flowers and build some sort of monument. Others prefer somethin' simpler, like a shelf adorned with candles and objects they would have enjoyed in their lifetime. It's really just a way of rememberin' someone.

Okay. _{[He's going to believe Murdoc on this. It's better than any other option.]}

I want to do something like that. Maybe I can do that in my room. I don't want to ever forget him. Sometimes it gets really scary because I'll start to forget his voice. But then I watch one of the home movies. Or an interview.

If you want to do it, I'd be happy to help you.

[He's going to be quiet for a moment before he shifts his face against Dirk, mulling that over. He's starting to wonder if he can remember his own dad's voice, let alone Catherine's. Yup, he's holding Dirk a lot closer, nope he doesn't want to cry a little.]

I know exactly how you feel.

I would like that.

_{[This only makes Dirk clean even more tightly. He appreciates it, though. Murdoc is much more comforting than he thought he'd be. But then again, he preemptively assumes anyone would side eye him for having nightmares.]}

Does it go away?

Then we can start on it later today.

[He makes a thoughtful noise. He's pretty sure by now Dirk doesn't need to be lied to. He wants to hear the truth about it from someone who knows how he feels. Murdoc sighs softly before answering.]

Yes and no. You'll always miss him, and that's a good thing, but eventually you'll realise that you can be happy without him. It's what he would have wanted.

So, in a sense, he's still present in your mind, but you don't have to mourn him every second of the day to know that you miss him. There's a time for everythin'.

Thank you.

_{[He falls silent while Murdoc speaks. It's only polite, but it's more than that. He's taking those words to heart. He knows his dad wouldn't want him to be sad all the time, but sometimes he can't help it. He's been told that it'd get better before, but it hits home more when Murdoc says it more than with anyone else. Perhaps it's because Dirk feels he has no obligation to say things to try to make him feel better. Not like Bro or Dave.]}

And you're absolutely sure about this? _{[He pauses.]} Is it bad that I kind of want it to be that way now? But if I just try to be that way it only makes it worse. Time is dumb.

ohana means family and all that jazz

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